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Darth Disney
Darth Disney was a very wealthy, spoiled, funny-looking Sith Lord who was a pawn prominent member of the Sith Order, Slavery Intergalactic, and Quilters Unite! He was often seen using a key-shaped blade (which was really his house key, but he always loses a smaller version) instead of a lightsaber, which has led him to be the butt of jokes on The Jay Leno Show. Biography Crappy Early Childhood Darth Disney's parents were anthropomorphized rodents who, after months of lobbying the Department of Getting Jiggy With It, received permission to reproduce. Soon after that, their lawyer Horace McGroaneroldguy died from the stress of the case (however, recent evidence suggests he ingested rodent droppings while dining at the Disney residence). The court decision was controversial, and soon riots ensued in Los Angeles for no apparent reason. Riots in Detroit soon followed. Wanting their child to have a dramatic life, and after an exhausting search through The Encyclopedia of Dramatic Science Fiction/Fantasy Plot Devices, the decided to have twins. The girl, Minnie, would run away at the age of three and become a spokesrodent for Sith Happens Condom and Pregnancy Test Emporium eventually. Mickey, which was his name at the time, endured what historians refer to as the worst childhood since that of Darth Michael Jackson's. His father was abusive, often picking up his wife and Mickey by the tail, forcing them to tease pythons, and feeding them Limburger cheese instead of tasty cheddar. This, in combination with a degraded public school system, gave Mickey an inferiority complex and would eventually lead to him becoming a maniacally evil gentle, kindred adult. Becoming Maniacally Evil (Sponsored by Prozac: We Kill You Before You Kill Yourself!) Mickey soon befriended an up and coming Elmo, who began to exhibit tendencies of evil, pathological lying, and love for daisy lions (the animal, not the flower). Using funds from Elmo and Force Persuade, Mickey successfully cheated, blackmailed, and bribed campaigned his way into the Intergalactic Senate. There Mickey would enjoy brief fame as the man who pushed the PCS Bill into being passed, legalizing the possession of 3 oz. of death sticks by any person (PCS stood for 'P'ersons 'C'ommitting 'S'uicide Bill, due the fact most died 2-4 months after taking up the death stick snorting and/or smoking habit). However, his brief flash of escapement from painful mediocrity did not last long; Mickey was indicted on charges of obstruction of justice, bribery, and transporting an underage Gungan across state lines, in relation to CoruscantFountainGate (this term for the scandal was coined by the Coruscant Post). The man who caused this was a mysterious figure named "Deep Vocal Cord" who pressed *69 and phoned scathing info to numerous rival Senators. Frustrated, Mickey resorted to four packs-of-chewing gum-a-day habit , and eventually wandered into the Sith Order, where none other than Elmo was in charge. Elmo took him in exchange for Mickey's kidney, appendix, and remaining assets. Vowing to bury his past and kill all who had wronged him and those who had picked up his trash (they were always late), Mickey did away with his name and became a Sith, becoming Darth Disney. Afraid of lightsabers ever since he choked on the candy of the same name as a child, he changed his locks at the house to be large, and created a key shaped saber. Life As a Sith and Ruthless Businessman Darth Disney soon executed those who had impeached him, and disguised as a trash can, he infiltrated Coruscanti Waste Management and made his garbage collectors pay the price for their lack of punctual habits. After his empty bloodbath, Disney soon fretted over what to do then. He soon decided to honor his dead Sith gynecologist's last wish, and began planning a mega theme park where he'd brainwash people into joining the Sith cult and donating to quilt making foundations. The park would be ran by enslaved persons, and he'd give children the childhood he had, a distorted and twisted one. After gaining Elmo's approval, and starting numerous shell corporations, he began buying land across the galaxy; the largest parcel he bought, after considerable opposition by the natives (and a threat by Disney to "destroy your planet"), was on Tatooine; there he built his first park, Black Magic Kingdom. The park was opened to much fanfare, and Disney began rolling in the dough; that is bread dough, so he could feed all his accountants who were calculating his immense income. Soon Black Magic Kingdom was joined by Geonosian Adventure, EPCOS ('E'very 'P'erson 'C'omes 'O'ut 'S'ith), and Animal Testing Grounds Kingdom. Soon, subliminally influenced by the Force-imbued park attractions, parents began to vote for Sith elections and referendums favorably, while children across the galaxy joined the Sith Scouts. Elmo and the other Sith idiots leaders couldn't be more pleased, and gave Darth Disney more funds, luscious desserts, and Twi'lek housemaids. Disney soon owned most of Tatooine, and he ruled with an iron fist in his theme parks. Employees were enslaved, and when one would die, he'd pluck an apprentice from the Its A Sith World! attraction and fill the void. Even Disney's parents, who weren't dead because of synthetic rodent hormones, were enslaved on Space Mountain. Eventually Disney wrote his memoirs entitled Dying to Kill You: My Pathetic Life (That I Now Take Out on YOU) and settled down, raising a family. However, Disney had accumulated too much power, and Darth Pillsbury was sent to assassinate him. When he botched the job, Disney left his family to dry and fled to parts unknown (Exit 164 off the Galactic Turnpike). His sister Minnie now runs Disney's theme parks. Return Many years later, Disney, seeking revenge for his betrayal, came back to commit total PWNicide on the Sith, however, since his plan involved a lot of collateral damage, God intervened and an epic duel ensued. Katarn showed him mercy, however, and, for a laugh, let Disney create his own, incomplete version of the universe to rule over. Sources *The Sad But True: The story of Darth Disney *''Dying to Kill You: My Pathetic Life (That I Now Take Out on YOU)'' *Corrupt Politicians Compendium *The Unofficial, Copyright-Violating Guide to the Sith. *The Pop-up Encyclopedia of Sith Lords Category:Animals Category:Businesspeople Category:Males Category:Sith Category:Dead people Category:WTF Category:Disney Category:Evil Category:Stupid Things